As is true of many people in my age cohort with the seemingly pejorative name baby boomers - if I stand with my arms outstretched, fingertips at either end of an easily imaginable timeline, where my family take their places, the members I have known in my life span three millennia.

Photo: One of my great-great grandmothers, Roka Matarau.
My paternal grandmother was born seven years after the passing of Titokowaru, the great military strategist, and third, but often forgotten part of the triumvirate with Tohu Kakahi and Te Whiti O Rongomai, the Parihaka prophets of peace, whose philosophy and actions pre-dated Mahatma Ghandi. This means the trio, and the events surrounding their lives would have been talked about in my grandmother's young life, even without phones, fast transport or the internet to disseminate information. That fact invites me to reach out and touch the magic of that pre1900 world; now, in my lifetime; now, in 2024. Touching it with my mind and heart, imagining her playing on the beaches of the Hokianga, her rugged trip to Taranaki at 17, her marriage and ten children and one further whangai child; her infrequent trips to the Registry of Births Deaths and Marriages, which rendered my father and some uncles non-existent until they needed licences to drive or to marry.
These are not far away events, or even elusive facts. Neither history nor present circumstances can deny the real story, and real legacy we have inherited, even though we are exhorted to be happy, after all, we-are-all-one. The fact is, my father and his family are the last of the generations that directly and viscerally, breathed the brutal injustices of colonial force and power, in their short school lives, unpromising but hard and long work lives, and exclusion from any kind of power in their small towns and villages across this country. I do not mean to say that that being so indicates the excruciating legacy has dwindled away: it has not, and is everywhere present, tangible, energetically for all who are open to see see and feel. We cannot fail to know the vulnerability of our jangled and torn social and economic fabric.
If we bring colonial era events into sharp focus, if we further imagine, those violent, murderous, disenfranchising acts and Acts, and the devastating impact on Maori, and that it harmed the actors as much as the acted on, it follows that there are hundreds of thousands of people whose lives are, and have been, adversely affected by the trauma of their parents, grandparents and great grandparents.
I am not referencing the political and social disenfranchisement directly here, though all of that is critically important and informs my joyful rage and my desire for proper recognition of the reality and nearness of those events. I am drawing attention to the trans-generational trauma that is embedded in Aotearoa New Zealand, and how that shows up in us and for us today, individually, in family/whanau and larger social structures.
How could anyone think such recent events would not show up today?
'Unresolved past is destiny; it repeats until we have the courage to work together to face it.' Thomas Hubl
Family Constellations is a modality which allows us to touch and feel the past trauma that is lodged in our bodies, and enhances the possibility of healing some of it. It can do that by giving space to people to lean into recognising the ways in which their relational lives are affected by trans-generational trauma, regardless of where their forebears stood in those years, and pass it back to the perpetrators, while accepting personal responsibility for not carrying on as though those events did not happen.
Family Constellations is work devised and proliferated by Bert Hellinger, and his followers and students as a phenomenological methodology which seeks to mend or heal individuals, and possibly, by energetic transfer, other family members. A facilitator is bound to practice in the confines of the philosophy and proven ways of Constellations.
Every person seeks to find freedom from their own suffering and difficulties in the macro environment, which is born of past collective behaviour and or behaviour of respective political and social leaders, layer on repetitive layer.
I happen to have forbears/ancestors/tipuna in both parts. My maternal grandmother was a Busby. There is a very discernible likeness of face to the James Busby who attended signings of Te Tiriti O Waitangi, and others in Ngati Ruanui who refused to sign. Here I am, in a manner of speaking, smack bang in the middle of the enduring trauma. This is not about me, but I cannot omit those facts if I choose to write about the enduring power of devastation in the national life, and lives of individuals, caused by colonialism, as amplified by statistics and a quick look around.
'If you, like me are a guest on the land where you reside currently, I welcome you into the practices of repair, reciprocity, and reparation with the peoples on the land where you live, as appropriate .' Rae Abileah on Sounds of SAND podcast #73, Bloodlines: Sulaiman Khatib, meital yaniv, & Rae Abileah, at 8:31
If we examine our family, if we choose to know, if we choose to demystify secret holders and their secrets, if we choose to unravel the disorder and pain in our own families and how that impacts us, we may find the cause easily enough, however deeply buried it may be. Even if you are not into deep diving into the past of your family, or the nation, Rae Abileah's invitation, above, may be a useful step toward approaching problems in Aotearoa with more openness, with recognition of how very close the events are, and which nevertheless you are asked by some to forget, to diminish, to relegate to a supposedly inconsequential past. This perspective applies globally where there are or have been colonisers and colonised peoples.
If you do want to do a deeper dive into your family history and see what you turn up, then family constellations may well be a useful way of working with any unsettling or disturbing information that you find.
Book a session www.manawafamilyconstellations.com or get in touch directly karensole@manawafamilyconstellations.com to chat about your situation.
Kia ora.
Copyright Karen Sole 2024
Karen Sole is a member of the International Institute for Complementary Therapists, and of the International Systemic Constellations Association (isca-network.org), and a member of ANZCI, the Aotearoa New Zealand Constellation Incorporated. She took her first training from Yildiz Sethi yildizsethi.com of familyconstellations.com.au . Karen's profile can be found on the above organisational sites. She participates in regular professional supervision, facilitator member constellations of ANZCI, ISCA, and informal international groups of experienced credentialed facilitators.
References:
NZ History/Nga korero a ipurangi o Aotearoa
Thomas Hubl www.thomashubl.com
Dr Daniel Foor www.ancestralmedicine.org
Find podcasts featuring Daniel Foor and Thomas Hubl also at www.scienceandnonduality.com
Rae Abileah is a Jewish faith leader, social change strategist, writer, and facilitator. For more biographical information go to the podcast at Sounds of SAND
Comments